I have always loved food and hated exercise. It’s no surprise, then, that I was overweight as a child. Like many obese children, I suffered from depression and insecurity. When I was 15, I got my first job and poured everything I had into it. I had finally found the place whereI was validated and needed. I quickly became addicted to the affirmation I was receiving and completely dropped my social life in desperation for more affection from my employer. Before I was 17, I was certified to train employees on the job and was thus promoted to being the assistant manager. At that point in time, you had to be 18 to receive that position, and so one was created for me to be able to fulfill that role. My junior and senior year in high school, I was working 40 hours a week during the school year and 70 hours a week during the summer. I supervised and scheduled over 200 staff and signed every single one of their pay checks. I was fully affirmed.
During this time, however, I developed an illness. It started out irregularly, but by my senior year in high school, I could not keep food down at all. So, as my ego was building, my stomach was shrinking. I spent a lot of time my junior and senior year of high school at the doctor. I was poked and prodded and scanned and accused of making myself sick on purpose. When I graduated high school, I was offered the manager position at my job with a high starting salary. They even offered to pay for my undergrad degree. Knowing that I was not healthy where I was, I moved upstate for college. Not being able to hide behind my job was the WORST. I felt very exposed and unskilled. I began drinking heavily and partying to distract myself from the gaping hole I felt from not working my old job. I ate very unhealthy, drank a lot of alcohol, chain smoked cigarettes and never worked out.
That year I lost 25 pounds. The summer after my freshman year, I lost another 10 pounds and was at my all time lowest weight. I hadn’t weighed that much since middle school! Throwing up had become routine for me. It was that summer that I was told by a nutritionalist that my body was so out of balance and mal nourished that I was on the brink of a certifiable mental breakdown. That was also the summer that other doctors confirmed that I had an anxiety disorder that caused my nervous stomach. Everyone finally knew that I was not intentionally making myself sick. What a relief!
As happy as I was to know that my sickness was not in my head, there was also fear. I was finally skinny and attractive and confident with my body. I knew I could stand to gain a few pounds but was terrified that I would gain more than just a few. I was expecting 20 pounds at the most. Boy was I wrong. In just over 12 months after being prescribed powerful anxiety medication, I gained just under 70 pounds. In a YEAR I went from a size 2 to a size 16. This time the depression and insecurity came back stronger than ever and I quit my job and began nannying. Watching kids meant I could stay in yoga pants and oversized tshirts all day with very little contact with other adults. Turns out, I only needed contact with one. The lady I was working for was just getting set into her routine with Beachbody programs and Shakeology. In that year, I watched her go from a size 16 to a size 4/6 before my very eyes. For me, it was hard to justify a single mom who worked full time and came home to two kids finding time to exercise and live healthy while a 21 year old working part time with NO kids didn't. Teresa was my inspiration, my motivator and, throughout this process, my biggest supporter. With her encouragement, I got off of my 4 daily medications and began eating healthier and working out using the Beachbody home workouts. I am currently a size 8 (hoping to end at a 4/6) but I am the healthiest I have ever been. Because I am eating healthy foods and exercising, my anxiety disorder has all but disappeared. During this process I met my fiancé who I am marrying in 5 days and am back in the working world (only working a solid 39 hour week). This journey has been tough with many ups and downs, but I am thankful for every step of it and all that I have learned along the way.
During this time, however, I developed an illness. It started out irregularly, but by my senior year in high school, I could not keep food down at all. So, as my ego was building, my stomach was shrinking. I spent a lot of time my junior and senior year of high school at the doctor. I was poked and prodded and scanned and accused of making myself sick on purpose. When I graduated high school, I was offered the manager position at my job with a high starting salary. They even offered to pay for my undergrad degree. Knowing that I was not healthy where I was, I moved upstate for college. Not being able to hide behind my job was the WORST. I felt very exposed and unskilled. I began drinking heavily and partying to distract myself from the gaping hole I felt from not working my old job. I ate very unhealthy, drank a lot of alcohol, chain smoked cigarettes and never worked out.
That year I lost 25 pounds. The summer after my freshman year, I lost another 10 pounds and was at my all time lowest weight. I hadn’t weighed that much since middle school! Throwing up had become routine for me. It was that summer that I was told by a nutritionalist that my body was so out of balance and mal nourished that I was on the brink of a certifiable mental breakdown. That was also the summer that other doctors confirmed that I had an anxiety disorder that caused my nervous stomach. Everyone finally knew that I was not intentionally making myself sick. What a relief!
As happy as I was to know that my sickness was not in my head, there was also fear. I was finally skinny and attractive and confident with my body. I knew I could stand to gain a few pounds but was terrified that I would gain more than just a few. I was expecting 20 pounds at the most. Boy was I wrong. In just over 12 months after being prescribed powerful anxiety medication, I gained just under 70 pounds. In a YEAR I went from a size 2 to a size 16. This time the depression and insecurity came back stronger than ever and I quit my job and began nannying. Watching kids meant I could stay in yoga pants and oversized tshirts all day with very little contact with other adults. Turns out, I only needed contact with one. The lady I was working for was just getting set into her routine with Beachbody programs and Shakeology. In that year, I watched her go from a size 16 to a size 4/6 before my very eyes. For me, it was hard to justify a single mom who worked full time and came home to two kids finding time to exercise and live healthy while a 21 year old working part time with NO kids didn't. Teresa was my inspiration, my motivator and, throughout this process, my biggest supporter. With her encouragement, I got off of my 4 daily medications and began eating healthier and working out using the Beachbody home workouts. I am currently a size 8 (hoping to end at a 4/6) but I am the healthiest I have ever been. Because I am eating healthy foods and exercising, my anxiety disorder has all but disappeared. During this process I met my fiancé who I am marrying in 5 days and am back in the working world (only working a solid 39 hour week). This journey has been tough with many ups and downs, but I am thankful for every step of it and all that I have learned along the way.
