In It For The Long Haul

     In my personal experience, staying motivated to be healthy in fit is not easy. Birthdays, holidays, Fridays and really just being awake are big triggers for me when it comes to unhealthy eating. And, as you probably could have guessed, the unhealthy eating results in me feeling sluggish so I definitely do NOT exercise.  So how do stay focused and disciplined with all of the stressors and temptations flying around you?

 

     I've heard a lot of people say the trick to staying on course is to make a lot of small goals. Micro sized. I'm talking "walk 15 mins, 3 days a week." From there, your goals will gradually get bigger, but never being more than one day at a time. For many, this system has proven effective, however, for me, it's my pot hole. I am a "big picture" kind of person, so when my goals are so small, I have a hard time celebrating and feeling victory over my progress. So I just don't even attempt to achieve it.

     For me, I have found the most effective form of motivation is competition, whether with myself or a group of people. I do not like to lose and that has proven to be my secret weapon for weight loss. Last year, I wasted 6 months going in circles with my weight because I just could not find any real desire to push myself. Sure, losing weight was what I wanted, but it was not enough to push me like I needed to be pushed. However, when I entered my first challenge group, a switch flipped- there was no way I was going to lose to ANYONE. I worked my butt off and won that first challenge. That was when I realized I was fueled by success and triumph.

     There's something about competing that keeps you accountable for your choices. I certainly did not want to be the one in the group who had not exercised and who was still sneaking fast food. I wanted to appear committed and driven and the only way to do that was to actually BE committed and driven with my workout schedules and clean eating. You can not fake physical progress.

     Everyone, I'm sure, is motivated by different things, but I am grateful to have found what works well for me. So whether its my birthday, the end of a long week or even if I'm just awake,  I am much more equipped to fight my temptations than when I first began this process.  Bring it on holiday season!

Knocked Down But Not Defeated

I realize that it has been a few weeks since my last post. Here is what has been going on:

1. I went to the state fair. One of my favorite events of the year- I love everything from the sketchy carnies to the questionable rides thrown up over night to the greasy, americanized food. That being said, I cheated in my eating WAY too much in that one day!

2. I got married! I am now officially married to my favorite person and am so thankful that we no longer have to say "goodnight" to each other.


3. I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and told that if I wanted to have kids I had to go on both medication AND hormones. Ouch.

That last event is what I wanted to focus this entry on. Ever since I was 12, I have had very irregular, painful periods. They were so irregular, that there were a few years that I have only had my period twice in the entire year. I have also always been a heavier girl. In elementary school, I was shopping in the plus sizes and by 8th grade, I already weighed 130/145 lbs. My weight was always a very sensitive subject for me since I have 2 brothers who are both naturally fit. I remember being told that it wasn't my fault, that I was just "big boned." But even as a child, I knew that to be a lie. I have very dainty, small bones- I currently wear a size 5 ring and even THAT is a little loose! So I knew it wasn't my bones. I just blamed it on drawing the short end of the stick in the gene pool. Even with being overweight, though, I never wore bigger than a size 8.

However, something supernatural happened in highschool- I began to shrink in size! That 8 shrunk to a 6 which in turn shrunk down further to a 4 and eventually a 2. These were the later years in highschool where all the smaller girls were developing hips and years of eating junk food were catching up to them. I felt confident, I felt attractive. But something was not right. As I mentioned in my first entry, I was later diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that was causing me to become sick and lose weight. There was nothing healthy about my body at that point, but for the first time in my life, I was not getting side ways glances when I went for seconds at dinner.
Let's jump ahead to the present day. Where after two weeks of wedding celebrations and honeymoon eating I was diagnosed with PCOS. PCOS is a homonal disorder in women which leads to irregular menstrual cyclces as well as insulin resistance. Just those two symtoms alone completely change my world.
When looked at deeper, the irregular menstrual cycles are caused because my hormones are so off balance that my eggs never come to maturity and don't shed in a timely manner. This is the root of my very painful, inconsistent periods. It also makes it very difficult for me to concieve or even be able to bring a pregnancy to full term without miscarriage. Talk about heavy news at the end of your honeymoon! I was crushed! I'm 22 years old and being told that, while it is not impossible for me to bear children, the odds are definitely not in my favor.
I also realized that my fight against the obesity in my life literally is and has been and uphill battle. Sure, my sedentary lifestyle did not set me up to combat the insulin resistance inside my body, but my weight is also not something that can be controlled with just small portions. My doctor was wonderful, and very clearly mapped out the foods I should be eating to fight against this, which I am happy to share if anyone needs guidance. But the realization of having to eat in this way (even though it was pretty much my normal diet anyway) because of a MEDICAL condition also hit me hard.
Now, I'm not one to play victim or feel sorry for myself, but with all of this news, I turned into the BIGGEST wimp. I cried and got angry. I rebelled and ate as many candy bars and desserts as I needed to comfort myself. I ate meals that consisted mostly of bread and pasta. I was digging myself in a hole of self pity.
I have not worked out and I have gained weight. And here is the worst part of 2 week tantrum: the hardest of symptoms caused by PCOS can be managed with diet, exercise, hormones and a metication for the insulin resistance. I don't HAVE to worry about obesity if I follow the workout routine and diet that I have BEEN following. I have a high chance of succuess in concieving AND bringing the child to full term if I take both of my medications. I just have to accept that this is my body. It is not perfect. But this is not a death sentence either. I can still live a very full, rich life with this disorder. I just have to keep up the work I have started.
As I stated in my last blog entry, I have worked very hard to rid myself of all medications. It was only 2.5 years ago that I was taking 4 daily medications. Being healthy and clean from all chemicals and hormones has been my greatest accomplishment and a source of tremedous pride in my hard work. That being said, being BACK on chemicals and hormones does not mean that I have failed or that I am weak. It simply means that I have chosen what is best for MY family; current and future. This was a very tough conclusion for me to come to, but the Lord is GOOD and He has great plans for life.